What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 20.06.2025 06:40
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
What should I do if I love a girl and she apparently doesn't love me?
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Ive learnt so much.
How come Jesus died on Friday and rose on Sunday? That's not 3 days and three nights.
She loved him until the end.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Who was the actor least deserving of an Academy Award?
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
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Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Would this be the day?
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
What is something you have to share?
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I don,t even have a pension.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Why is Donald Trump criticized by so many people?
I have no regrets .
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I was 9 years of age.
And i lived it daily.
Put me off passion for life!!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
How do you handle family members who ask for handouts?
My life is so biszare .
I write beautiful poetry .
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
But, we were locked up after school.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
All the time i was locked up.
Was to survive, this bastard.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
This is soul school!.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
My family never makes their pension either.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I waited trembling.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
She wouldn,t have been !
We were not on the streets..
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Who then, do I blame.?
She was in good health!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
But it wasn’t much.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I was scared of men, in general
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I could never make a relationship work though!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Why did i forgive my father ?
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I was very sick at this time too.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
He knew the spot.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I think the readers, may guess!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
So whats the point in blame.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
But ive been too sick for many years..
I was seconnd youngest,
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
It was going to be , some day.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Im still living with it.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I will be 64.
She married twice! .
We all went to grammer schools
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
What did i know ?
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
One cannot live in the past .
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
He resisted the act ,that day.
As i do to all so called friends.?
When she asked me how she looked .
I know ,a lot about trauma.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
So, i spoilt her more .
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
She found it foreign!.
I said to her
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I never cut or harmed myself..
Especially a lifetime of it.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Comes on , in middle age.
I couldn’t, believe it.